girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
