I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
