I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
