Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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