and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
