i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
