standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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