would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
