Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
