i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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