This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
