absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
