OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
