If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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