Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My dick has a subreddit
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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