i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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