I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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