the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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