Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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