I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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