are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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