I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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