I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
