I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
