the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
