The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
