ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
