Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
