dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
