Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
