Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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