As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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