I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
