oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
