i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
