I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
