If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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