I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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