Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
