Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
