He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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