So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
