i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
nutella sex= disaster
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
