Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
