So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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