the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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