evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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