We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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