WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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