so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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