I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
