At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
