sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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