yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
