im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
