I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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