i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
