I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
