i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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