omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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