After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
