in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
