If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
