Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
