I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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