The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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