just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
