Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
