Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
