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i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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