i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just want nice things and good sex
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
