hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
