I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
