Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass