The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
