i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.