Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..

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  (412): My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list.. http://tfl.nu/7bvi
  Replies (43) Good night (964) Bad night (8418)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur

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  (410): she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur http://tfl.nu/hhzt
  Replies (36) Good night (11922) Bad night (745)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..

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  (706): having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear.. http://tfl.nu/j8z4
  Replies (16) Good night (2270) Bad night (1188)
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  (631): View more from New York

  She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?

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  (631): She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that? http://tfl.nu/dqln
  Replies (6) Good night (3771) Bad night (895)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.

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  (701): I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with. http://tfl.nu/j9h4
  Replies (4) Good night (1707) Bad night (806)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.

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  (937): she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks. http://tfl.nu/kgtb
  Replies (12) Good night (2981) Bad night (921)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.

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  (440): Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies. http://tfl.nu/iuff
  Replies (14) Good night (2335) Bad night (1840)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.

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  (320): In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen. http://tfl.nu/m4s0
  Replies (9) Good night (3252) Bad night (623)
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  (415): View more from California

  You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.

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  (415): You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink. http://tfl.nu/i804
  Replies (1) Good night (385) Bad night (1122)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.

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  (417): I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning. http://tfl.nu/bwti
  Replies (11) Good night (1465) Bad night (493)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"

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  (780): Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl" http://tfl.nu/k17c
  Replies (2) Good night (956) Bad night (415)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours

  (646): View more from New York

  This text was so worth waking up to

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  (407): I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours (646): This text was so worth waking up to http://tfl.nu/6rgp
  Replies (4) Good night (792) Bad night (326)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha

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  (774): Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha http://tfl.nu/rnub
  Replies (0) Good night (355) Bad night (316)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.

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  (307): I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex. http://tfl.nu/b6dd
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (230)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.

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  (+44): Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread. http://tfl.nu/ub9a
  Replies (4) Good night (645) Bad night (244)

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