I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic