I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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