Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.