Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods

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(858): View more from California

ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.

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(503): View more from Oregon

So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(916): View more from California

I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk

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(732): View more from New Jersey

There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits

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(310): View more from California

Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass

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