If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick