my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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