remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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