I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
