i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
