I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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