Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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