Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
