Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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