I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
